Things I've Learned

A simple list of things I've learned since being pregnant.

1. The two people who will never complain about TMI are your husband and your Mother. They will be godsends when it comes to needing to complain about the icky stuff.

2. People loose their rude filter around you when they find out you're pregnant. Examples:

"Was your baby planned?" - Er, I'm not really sure how that's any of your business. For one thing, we plan on loving her and supporting her and giving her the best life we can. Isn't that all that matters? Secondly, if you consider ovulation calenders and tests and all that as planning... then no. But, we had talked about having children from early in our relationship, we knew we both wanted kids and we let nature take it's course. Nature was pretty quick on the helpin out.

"How much weight have you gained?" None of your freakin business! This is a no-win question. Don't even attempt to ask.

"I knew a Madison once, she was a complete bitch and I hated her!" Well, I hope my daughter grows up to be a complete bitch and beats the shit out of you then too.

"Ugh, that's a horrid name!" - Response recieved when Grandmother asked boy-name choices. If you don't want to know, don't ask. 

"Are you going to get rid of your cats?" No. "But that one you have is kind of mean...." He's only mean to jackasses like yourself.

"Those jeans really are made for someone with a little less in the hips." I thought you were trying to SELL them to me, not make me want to stab you in the face. 

3. If I hear one more goddamn joke about craving pickles, I think I will stab someone. My cravings have been perfectly normal. I have yet to crave something that I didn't already like in the first place. My top 5 cravings are:

Peaches

Watermelon

Oranges

Baby Carrots

Dr. Pepper (One I have not acted on nearly as much as the rest!)

4. Pregnancy glow? What the hell is that? All I know about "glowing" is that I sweat a lot because my body temp is like 10 degrees higher. 

5. There are very few people I feel comfortable with touching my stomach. My husband, obviously, and close friends and family. If you are a stranger or someone I barely know, expect to get a rude response. What exactly do you expect to feel? Hoping to get lucky and get a kick? Why do you think that as a stranger, you should feel privlaged enough to feel my daughter kick and that I'd be okay with it? No. Not okay. Fuck off. (If you are a close friend or family member, disregard this, you may touch as much as you want.)

6. Whoever coined the term "Morning sickness" should be shot. Somewhere painful. And then have it left to fester and get all infected and stuff. I had this so-called "morning" sickness, morning, noon and night from weeks 6-16. It made me seriously reconsider ever wanting to do this again, but alas, the end means makes it all worth it.

7. Basically from the day you find out you're pregnant, you start having bladder issues. Some days are worse than others, but I'm already to the point where if I have a full bladder and she decides to kick my bladder, there is the possibility of bladder leakage. Pleasant.

8. Apparently, wanting to have a natural childbirth makes you "crazy". Because I don't want a needle stuck in MY SPINE and I actually would like to feel what's going on, I am told by several people that I'm going to regret it and that I'm just durn crazy. Well, that's my problem to deal with, not yours. 

9. The sleep problems start before the kid arrives. I think it's your body's way of preparing you for middle-of-the-night fussyness and feedings, because I keep waking up several times during the night and she's not even here yet!

10. Babies make new-time grandparents go CRAZY! My Mom calls me nearly everyday to tell me the latest thing she bought for her new bundle of joy. So. Much. Clothing.